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...so very empty...
Emptiness, the feeling that you get when this kind of things happen… I always asked my self “how can people know when this happens? How does people know how this feels?”… This whole month made me realize that this is how it feels, it happens when you ignore the words I spoke to you…
I just felt like running away from it all, with no remorse and no doubt about things, this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you… And this is who I am when I don’t know myself anymore, mistakes have made a very deep scar into my soul, leaving me alone and hurt. I’ve spent thinking so much about this, this is what I choose when it’s all left up to me.
I decided to stop, to let you go, to avoid more issues and just let it flow… There’s no taking back, I can’t rewind and fix the error I’ve made and… I really don’t feel like doing it at all.
I’m going without a fight, I think it’s worthless to fight it, there’s no use to it… I know there is still a day for me and even one short moment is still enough for me! I will keep on waiting for the day that will come, I’ll just wait for the sunlight, wait for the one that will bring me peace of mind and you can do what you want with the sea, but the rest of the sun belongs to me.
After all the sorrow and the pain had drained me, I asked my self “between love and hate, which path should I follow? How can I still have faith in this?”… By the end of the night I decided to build my own path, I shall not hate you and I shall not love you… You were the burden that kept me here, I will not allow myself to fall into humiliation and misery, even if you were the halo that kept me alive once.
If I survive this endless war, I will fly from here, I will leave you in the past, and I will become a better person, I will not be a pessimist and I wont restrict my self from the things I haven’t done in the past before. I will find the solution and will make things just how they are supposed to be! Even if i have to start all over.
“Would you choose supremacy, even if it led to isolation? Will you be able to handle with the solitude?” I’m tired of being so hopeless, I will not allow you to bring me down, even isolation and solitude has an end, I will find someone else to fill the space you’ve left… It might not be the right time to jump into conclusions and I might not be the right one to decide what should you do, but I can sure decide who to be attached to.
Not even a minute had passed and I found what I’ve been searching for, in something I’ve always had. It was a glimpse, just a little flash and I found myself again trapped in with someone else, it happened so fast that I told myself that it would end the same way… Still, I stand tall and face it, if it happens again, I’ll just stand up and even if it hurts, I will not bow down to the issue that’s been chasing me for so much time.
Even tough, I’ll miss you more than anyone in my life, the numbness is the one thing that I can’t simply trash and leave behind with no reason at all.
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